Homily for my daughter's wedding

My daughter was married on June 26 and I was privileged to perform the wedding. I wanted to give them some marriage encouragement, but as I thought about it, all of our marriages might be strengthened as we remember these things...take some time to read, and then post what you might have included in such a talk. :)

Jonathan and Amy…

It is my great joy to speak to you for a few minutes about marriage and the great adventure and journey you are about to embark on. It has been wonderful beyond words to see how God has brought you to this place today, and we all look forward to watching the two of you walk together throughout the rest of your lives.

I personally know how taken you are by the Grace of our Lord Jesus. You have given yourselves to Him first and are the recipients of the amazing and sovereign grace of God. In light of that, I have taken the word GRACE and made an acrostic as it relates to marriage.

So, let’s begin…

G is for God! Surprise, surprise:) He indeed must be your foundation as you walk together. It has been my prayer from the beginning of your life, Amy, that God would provide you with a heart for Him and ultimately give you a man whose heart is fully His. In our conversations and in your actions, Jon and Amy, you have demonstrated a heart bent toward Jesus.

Why is having God as your foundation so important? I am glad you asked:) Let’s say that you have an argument, I can’t imagine such a thing ever happening in your marriage, but let’s just say for a moment it does. In those times of frustration, and disillusionment, and grrrrrr, shall I say PAIN, how will you make it through?

Well, you make it through by submitting to your Lord. You experience the emotions, of course, and while this is not easy - you keep humbling yourselves before Him and letting Him teach you, comfort you, guide you, and use your trials to transform you. If Jesus is truly your Lord, you must return to His presence over and over and over again, and gain His perspective, and yield your wills to His!

Now that we have our foundation, let’s move quickly through the rest of our GRACE acrostic

R is for Relationship! You would do well to prioritize and protect your relationship with one another. There will be many things, undoubtedly, that will seek to steal your time away from each other in the coming months and years; jobs, friends, school, hobbies, children…children You must be intentional about carving out quality time together. How do you do that? Well, you go away alone, you lock the bedroom door, you meet for coffee, you turn off the cell phone, you drive or walk places together just to be with one another. It is important to have fun, but also occasionally ask this question, “how am I doing as your spouse?” This question will sometimes bring you grief, but it will demonstrate the priority of your relationship to each other. So, as strange as this might seem to you right now, if you don’t make your relationship a priority, it will not be your priority!

Next

A is for acceptance. This is one of the greatest gifts you can give to each other! Acceptance is that quality of being ok with who a person is, without the intention of trying to mold or shape them into your image. Remember, when you are connected to your Lord, He is responsible for changing and growing you and your spouse into the person He desires. When two people have this goal, they can stop trying to change the other person and freely yield to His work. To be sure, God will transform you through your partner’s influence; through prayer, study together, freely sharing your hopes and dreams – but seek to allow God to move you and them along the path as He desires and in His timing. Learn to accept the person where they are, and the beautiful creation he has made and is making them to be.

Not only are we talking about acceptance of each other, but also of the difficult circumstances that will certainly invade your lives. I hope you understand that I am not talking about just rolling over when challenges come, but there will be many times when you will just have to say, “ok, this is the hand we are dealt, how can we learn from it and use it for the glory of God?”

Can you guess what the “C” stands for? If you guessed “Call your parents…” you might be right But today it is for Commitment!

Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to stay married for life! It may seem like a mission impossible in today’s world, but it is not impossible. No one stands on their wedding day and says, “I just don’t think this marriage thing is going to work out.” At least, I hope no one is saying that! Yet, so many marriages today don’t work out. There are lots of reasons for this, but I can give you a tried and true way to not end up a divorce statistic! Ready…Don’t quit! It seams easy now, but don’t even entertain the idea! Never, never, never, use the “D” word. Divorce is not an option. Once you begin to entertain the idea of divorce or God forbid, use the D word as a threat, you have begun down the wrong path. By the end of this hour, you will be officially married, and you must not let anyone or anything sway your commitment. Your mission is possible, but you both must have it as your mission…and I believe that you do.

We have seen that God must be the foundation, your Relationship must be a priority, you must Accept one another, Commit to each other, and finally you must

Educate yourselves in how to have a good marriage. One of my guiding principles in life is that I must either “grow or die.” Now, what does that have to do with marriage? Think of it this way, today you are having a baby! No, not a real baby, but something that is very much like a baby – your marriage. When you have a baby, you tend to it, listen for its cry, feed it, teach it, comfort it, yes, even change its smelly diapers as needed – and you do all of this out of love for the baby. You want that baby to grow into all that God has for it. How long would the baby survive if you left the baby in the crib and only brought it out to occasionally show it off? Just the thought is horrible! It helps me to think of marriage that way. Later today, you will bring home this beautiful marriage, but that is just the beginning! If you leave it on the shelf, and only tend to it haphazardly, your baby marriage will suffer great harm. But, if you tend to it, feeding it often with quality food, listening for its whimpers that indicate that something might be wrong, take the time to check its diapers, and read lots of books about how to love for a lifetime, or have a sacred marriage, or speak your spouses love language, your marriage will grow.

At what point will you stop feeding your marriage? Well, when would you stop feeding your baby? That’s right, as long as you want the baby/marriage to keep growing – a lifetime!

So, may the grace of God guide you, and completely overwhelm your lives together, and may this simple acrostic of GRACE remind you how to experience some of His grace in your marriage!